Sleep anxiety has been a theme these last few weeks – both personally and in my work with therapy clients.
Worry- ridden thoughts at night can show up as sleep anxiety in different ways for different people. It might be the end-of-weekend Monday dread. Or when a vacation is over and you’re back to the reality of normal life. When you’re starting a new business, and it feels like you’ve got a never ending to-do-list. When your book is being published and you fear it won’t be a top seller. When you’re launching a passion project and afraid it might fail.
Sometimes it’s a new opportunity, heart’s desire, or answered prayer and you’re anxious that everything that can go wrong will. Sometimes it’s your child going away to school. Sometimes it’s being alone while your spouse is on a trip or out-of-town for a while. Sometimes you’re replaying an embarrassing conversation or reliving a mistake from earlier in the day. Sometimes your worry about the state of the world is heightened. Sometimes it’s because you’re an ambitious overthinker and you can’t seem to turn your mind off, especially at night.
I get it.
What I’ve learned about late-night ruminating is to be very intentional about telling my worry mind to STOP. To not dwell on anything upsetting before bed. To refrain from solving the problem until the next morning. To not wait for an answer to come to me as I fall asleep.
Instead, I force myself to focus on the specific good things that happened during the day. When the troubling thoughts creep in, I must stop myself because ruminating on the problem takes up precious energy that I need to sleep so I can deal with whatever it is the next morning.
If I'm still struggling, I'll think about silly, mindless things like five new outfits I can create from my wardrobe. Or weird, random things like fun nostalgic snacks from my childhood I'd love to enjoy again if health and calories didn't matter. Remember Fruit Roll-Ups and Gushers. Planters Cheez Balls. Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies? Oh, and the cereals: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms (only the marshmallows of course), and Fruity Pebbles. I'll also watch my favorite show if I really have trouble turning my worry brain off. I know, I know, screen time before bed is not recommended. You do what works for you.
If your spouse is anything like mine, he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Must be nice. And I'm such a light sleeper. I'll wake up if I hear a leaf falling outside.
Anyway...
When I have racing thoughts and feel anxiety as I’m trying to fall asleep or I’m wide awake at 3 am and my mind is spinning out of control – I’ve realized that fixating on the problem does not help. I’m in worst-case scenario mode. I’m in dread. I feel alone. I never get clarity. Or peace. Or a solution. Instead, I get anxious. And then I get more anxious about how I’m anxious. How I’m not going to get enough sleep and be exhausted the next day.
The anxiety of not getting enough sleep is often worse than the problem that is keeping me awake.
At night all our fears often become magnified, and we have nothing to distract us like we do during the day. There isn’t anything you can do at night except lie there anxious and afraid.
I’ve finally accepted the freeing reality that every time I choose to sleep on it, it’s never as big, bad and scary the next morning.
In fact, when I wake up, I always think to myself, why was I up all night so freaked out? Upon waking or shortly after in my quiet time, I’m able to think intelligently, rationally and calmly about the problem. I obtain peace about it. I obtain wisdom.
Spiritually speaking, I strongly believe while I’m asleep, God is working behind the scenes on my behalf. Even though I’m asleep, my spirit is not and I’m receiving the counsel from the Holy Spirit needed to address my problem.
Psalm 16:7 has brought me comfort over these last few weeks - I resonate with the unique version of each scripture verse:
I will bless the Lord who counsels me; he gives me wisdom in the night. He tells me what to do. (TLB)
I will bless the Lord who counsels me – even at night when my thoughts trouble me. (CSB)
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; indeed, my heart (mind) instructs me in the night. (AMP)
I will praise the Lord who counsels me – even at night my conscience instructs me. (HCSB)
I will bless the Lord who advises me; even at night I am instructed in the depths of my mind. (CEB)
I praise the Lord because he guides me. Even at night, I feel his leading. (ICB)
To break a nighttime worry habit leading to sleep anxiety, as with any habit, you must commit to doing the inner work. Knowing a habit is bad for you is not enough to change it. You must want to change it deep within your bones. Get to the place where you wholeheartedly believe that whatever “benefit” you were getting from the bad habit is not actually beneficial.
With a night worry habit, for example, you may tell yourself a story that by ruminating on your problem means that you’re “doing” something, but that something isn’t “doing” – it’s worrying - and it’s not helping you sleep. You’ll keep reinforcing both bad habits: ruminating on the problem to no avail and your anxiety about not sleeping.
Perhaps by overthinking your problem, you feel like you’re in control, but you’re in fix-it-mode driven by fear.
Changing your night worry habit is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be painful.
Here are some practical suggestions if you struggle with sleep anxiety:
Stop yourself from thinking of anything upsetting in bed at night. Tell yourself, that’s just my brain. I’m going to sleep!
As you fall asleep, meditate on the specific things you are grateful for that happened during the day. Write them down if you need to. (There needs to be a new beneficial substitution of grateful thoughts in exchange for your worry thoughts).
Imagine yourself handing your problem over to God. Trust that He will give you the wisdom you need while you're sleeping.
Sleep on it. Prove to yourself that the clarity will come in the morning.
Repeat the next night.
Be patient. You are training your brain to think in a new way.
Practice. Practice. Practice.
I like to envision Jesus tucking me in at night. He’s not worried about my problem, and He certainly doesn’t want me losing sleep over it, so neither will I.
Trying to understand my problem never brings me peace. That's why I trust in Jesus, not in my own understanding. He's my Prince of Peace who is faithful to instill a peace that passes understanding.
Hoping you have sweet sleep tonight.
*
P.S. Ever get sick with a real bad case of the flu or you break a bone or get surgery and during it you feel like you’ll never be normal again? Night worry can feel similar. While you're experiencing sleep anxiety, remember that just like when you’re sick, your brain is foggy, you’re vulnerable, and your body is needing to heal and recover. When you wake up in the morning, it’s like the moment you realize you’re not sick anymore - you look back and think, I can’t believe I thought I would never get better and always be sick…
________________________________
If you need help with night-worry and sleep anxiety or with any of these concepts above, get in touch to request a therapy appointment.
.png)
Comments